Why are we here?
I suppose I should take a moment to introduce myself, since so many others already have.
Why am I handcuffed?
I'm sure you have many questions, they will be answered in due time.
Where have you taken me? Was that chloroform?
You're here in the secret dungeon under my house in Dallas, Texas. Yes, that was chloroform.
You're a lunatic! A monster!
Au contraire, I'm just a 22-year old American dude with Asian ancestry who works at a local non-profit (marketing, fundraising, program work, website work, I do it all as required), wears cool hats, and bosses people around in TeamSpeak!
Why would you kidnap people?
How did I get started? Well, I was introduced to ArmA by a pal in college who called it the best thing since sliced bagels, but the learning curve frightened me badly. Then, I hopped aboard the DayZ bandwagon, murderized a bunch of zeds, ate a few cans of beans, and learned to stealth past anyone and anything to the point that DayZ became goddamned boring. So I graduated to regular arma, playing on a public server until the griefing and hacking finally drove me to find a more... controlled environment. I stumbled across Folk ARPS, Fer was kind enough to press a Makarov to the back of my head, and the rest is history!
No, I mean, kidnapping. Me. Why?
Yes, I take video of every Sunday session - Tuesdays are much more difficult for me to attend and document due to my peculiar state-side schedule meaning that I'm at work when y'all are shooting each other with environmentally friendly bullets. Look closely as your eyes adjust and you'll see some of them playing on our
YouTube Channel!
Okay, I see the videos and-- Oh god, are those skeletons in the corner?
Oh. Those are the unfortunate dead who have fallen victim to Fire & Maneuver, as taught in the workshops that Tigershark and I run with an iron fist and rock-hard boner (you decide who has what). Our workshops are entirely voluntary, and take place an hour before every Sunday session. We make you guys scream "Red team, move!" and "Blue team, cover!" over and over again until your voice grows hoarse. This way, you'll have some additional tools to use when sending other comrades to their deaths! Who knows, some of them might even survive!
I've heard enough. You're insane. Police! Guards! HAAAAAALP!!!
Scream all you want, but you're a woefully out of place Englishman. This is Texas. If you open your mouth, you're going to be simultaneously lynched, shot, run over with a truck, and drawn-and-quartered before you can say "help help, I'm being repressed by Republicans!"
~ Ferrard
